It has been two months today since Simone was born and I am just now getting to write her birth story. Sheesh…what a whirlwind!
At 3:30 in the morning on Jan 10, I woke up after falling asleep on the couch feeling what felt like contractions. I followed the advice of my fantabulous child birth educator to just rest since the contractions were still far apart. Um no, Simone had other plans. Right from the start my contractions were about 5 minutes apart.
I walked up to my bedroom to wake up hubby and then felt a slight trickle running down my leg. I wasn’t sure if it was my water breaking or not but I told my hubby what was going on and he happily stated, “here we go!” About half an hour after contractions started, they were about 2 minutes apart. I called my doula as I was getting in the bath and when I told her how close the contractions were (ranging from 1 min to 3) she told me to wait until I was having those contractions for an hour and then call her. I was in the bath for about 10 minutes when the contractions started to feel like they were just coming one after the other at which point I said “f this, we are going to the hospital.”
The car ride going to the hospital was rough. I was on all 4s in the backseat. I just couldn’t believe how close together my contractions were. As soon as I got out of Sky’s car, my water broke all over my light gray sweat pants. They wheeled me up in the wheelchair to labor and delivery triage. When I got up off the wheelchair the nurses and the guy who wheeled me in took a step back when they saw my womanly birth juices all over the wheelchair seat. Once I got into triage it was very hard for me to lay down. All I wanted to do was stand and rock. When I did lay down, my water was just spilling everywhere. It took them a while to get the info they needed because my contractions were seemingly nonstop. Turns out at that point I was 100% effaced and 3 cm dilated.
By the time I got into my labor and delivery room (which was gorgeous and huge by the way), my mom, dad, husband (Sky) and doula were all there (mom and dad actually got there while I was in triage). I wasn’t expecting my dad to be in the room…last thing I wanted was for him to see my vag, but the room was big enough that he could be in a side area the whole time and not see “anything.” The beginning part of the labor was not TOO bad even though by that point by contractions were coming back to back…they were still bearable. I had everything set up. Probably one of my best packing decisions for the birth were my pandora stations on my laptop and speakers. For labor I had very tranquil, gong, sound bath type music to help me relax and focus and for the actual pushing I had intense tribal African type drumming – but we’ll get to that part later.
The doctor checked me an hour later and I was 6 cm dilated. Things were moving along. However by that point the contractions were more intense and were back to back with absolutely no down time in between. It started to become very painful. Before that I was really able to become very zen and use moaning and movement to keep me calm however once the contractions became more intense, that method didn’t help me. Every contraction either Sky or my doula HAD to be giving my very VERY deep pressure massage in my lower back. I could not lay down AT ALL which made it very difficult for the nurses to monitor baby’s heart but they did it and were okay with me standing. The next few hours seemed like a decade. They were switching shifts and I desperately wanted someone to come check how dilated I was. FINALLY when they did, I hadn’t dilated anymore at all. I couldn’t take the pain and decided I wanted the epidural. My doula kept asking me if I was sure but at that point, the labor was no longer enjoyable. I had very intense back labor and if when they checked me I would’ve been progressing, perhaps I would have continued the totally natural route however since I wasn’t, I did not want to be in so much pain.
Once I got the epidural, it was literally like night and die. I COULD NOT FEEL my contractions. I found that to be very strange because I didn’t want to not feel the contractions however getting the epidural at that point was the right decision for me. I was able to be calm, take a little nap and was actually cracking jokes. It was fun!
My midwife was amazing. I was very lucky I went into labor the one day a week she works. Nancy (the midwife) had been on leave for many months due to cancer and literally just started working again 2 weeks before my labor. She was excellent. After I got the epidural (which by the way, when he put it in, I had to sit up on the bed and be very still…that was incredibly difficult) Simone’s heart rate started to slow down during contractions, Nancy and the rest of the medical staff were incredibly respectful of my birth plan. After a couple hours, Nancy was going to do an internal monitor but once she felt how dilated I was at that point (about 9 cm) she decided it was unnecessary (and also knew I didn’t want it). I would like to add on a side note how incredible all the medical staff was. I HIGHLY recommend Kaiser. They were all very professional, kind and respectful of my wishes.
So throughout my time with the epidural, my doula helped me to not press the release button toward the end so that by the time it came to push I could feel my contractions. So once it came time to push, I could feel the contractions. Unfortunately because I had the epidural, the only way I could push was on my back with my legs up. By the way, once pushing started, I had my tribal percussive african station on pandora. The doctors loved it. One of them actually said “I wish every birth had this music.” We joked about how it was like my personal film score. It was pretty funny…and awesome. So the pushing began and I loved it!! It was fantastic. I couldn’t feel the “urge” to push but because I so rigorously went to yoga and did kegel exercises and squats throughout my pregnancy, pushing was like taking a hardcore exercise class or playing a sport. I thought it was fun! I was cracking jokes in between contractions. Of course the epidural played a large role with that. The nurse who was doing most of the perennial massage told me I was an excellent pusher, especially since I had the epidural. They put the mirror up for a little while at my request and while I thought it was fascinating, it was distracting so I had them move it. One of the best parts about the labor was that my mom held one of my legs up and Sky held the other. I should mention that there was some meconium so the nicu staff was in the room at the end of pushing. There was probably like 15 medical staff in the room when she was finally born. I actually said at one point during pushing that I’d never had so many people looking into my vag at once. That got a good laugh.
I continued to push and once Simone started to crown, the doctors had me slow down with the pushing so not to push TOO hard to avoid tearing. They massaged my perineum the whole time as well and I ended up only having one stitch. When Simone was finally ready to come out, the doctors got her head and shoulders out and then let Sky (my husband) pull her out the rest of the way and place her on my belly. I cried my heart out and just said “she’s so perfect!!” It was very nice for the midwife to direct the doctors to let her be on my belly first, even if only for a moment because she was respecting my birth wishes. After that brief moment the NICU went to work in the room to clear out any meconium. Those 5 minutes felt like an eternity until they put my baby back in my arms. Of course I was a crying wreck. I couldn’t believe how perfect she was. It was the most magical moment of my life. Having the people I love most with me in the room was incredibly special.
I would like to add that probably more than most, I spent my pregnancy with a staunch attitude of absolutely no drugs and going totally natural for my labor. I so wanted that beautiful, calm birth and to not have any drugs interfere or perhaps create a snowball effect into a c section. I was very lucky it didn’t turn out that way, which I believe had a lot to do with my midwife. At the time, I did feel like I failed somewhat because I chose to get the epidural. I kept apologizing to my doula but after 5 hours of nonstop contractions and back labor, I can look back and say, I made the right decision. Next time, I will definitely try to go all natural again but my attitude now is much more flexible and I realize you really don’t know what’s going to happen until you’re there. All births are different and even though mine didn’t go exactly as I’d planned, it was still incredibly beautiful and in the end, i got my perfect little 6 lb 14 oz baby. Many many thanks to you Leah for being my mentor and preparing me, my mind and my body throughout my pregnancy. I feel very blessed to have met you when I did and to have had you be such a wonderful and important part of my pregnancy and birth.